Animosity, rage, bad temper – However you choose to refer to it, anger is undoubtedly a powerful human emotion which can cause damage in more ways than one.
Oftentimes, there are valid reasons to become angry such as when we feel personally attacked or when someone does something deliberately to hurt us and those we love.
Regardless of the cause, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact your health and put a huge strain on your relationships.
Although anger cannot be entirely avoided, there are certain techniques which can help keep your anger under control so that it does not get the best of you.
Different forms of anger
In order to fully understand anger, It’s important to first understand the different forms it can take. Some people may feel like they are generally an angry person or, may feel like they cannot stop thinking about a specific event that enraged them.
There are also people who are calm most of the time but when they do get angry, tend to “explode” in a fiery rage.
Either way, when we cannot find healthy ways to express our anger, it can begin to take a huge toll on our emotional and physical well-being.
Anger and hostility can cause several stress-related health issues such as poor digestion, insomnia, decreased or diminished libido, and various aches & pains. Studies also show that anger can increase a person’s chance of developing heart disease or worsen an already present heart condition.
Aside from poor health, anger can also increase drug and alcohol abuse and can severely damage relationships with friends, family, colleagues and business partners.
Techniques to help control anger
There are several triggers which can evoke anger and this can be caused by events which are both internal and external.
For example, anger can be directed towards another person such a boss or spouse, or, it can be directed towards a certain event such as being cut off in traffic or scoring poorly on a test. Anger can even be triggered by remembering an incident which previously caused you turmoil or stress.
No matter what the cause, you CAN absolutely control these feelings and stay calm so that your anger does NOT win. These techniques can help you do just that.
1. Remove yourself.
When possible, remove yourself physically from the trigger. For example, if watching the news gets you angry in the morning, It’s probably a good idea to turn it off.
Or, if a heated debate is what sets off your rage, avoid it in the first place or tell the other person that you would much rather not discuss a particular topic.
Being aware of your own anger warning signs can help you walk away, calm down, and rationalize your feelings before they begin to escalate.
2. Stop ruminating.
It’s quite common for some people to dwell on or replay an anger provoking incident in their mind over and over. This can become extremely taxing both physically and emotionally especially when the issue has already been resolved or continuously expressed.
If you’re dwelling on a fight you’ve had with a coworker for example, regardless of where your relationship stands at the moment, try and think of their positive qualities OR, try and put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective.
I have personally found that this has helped me effectively deal with anger in an objective, non-judgmental way.
3. Work on your thought patterns.
Although we may not realize it, we tend to have certain cognitive distortions which can seriously skew our thought patterns. When angry, these negative and unhealthy thought patterns can make us feel like our situation is far worse than it actually is.
Luckily, you can restructure these thoughts and replace them with more reasonable, healthy ones. For example, when sitting in traffic, instead of thinking “Why do I always hit traffic at this time? this is terrible!” think, “I’ll use this time to catch up on my podcasts, it’s not the end of the world”.
These strategies, when applied, can help change your negative thought patterns:
- Challenge your thoughts. When your mind starts to wander into treacherous negative thinking, examine the truth of these thoughts. Is there any truth to what you’re thinking? Are there other perspectives in which you could use to interpret the same event? if so, which of these ways of thinking is better for your overall health? Begin to challenge everything that comes into your mind and begin to entertain the thought that reflects your situation more positively.
- Disconnect from your emotions. Remove yourself from the situation completely and visualize yourself rising above and watching the situation unfold down below. Observe carefully what is happening and look at it with new un-biased eyes. This will help you rationalize the situation and will also help you adopt a more healthy perspective. When we look at a situation from both sides, it can help us better understand ourselves and can help us identify exactly what it was that triggered us. Doing this can help us develop healthier thinking patterns over time.
- Stop playing the victim. When we feel like we are the victims in any scenario, it can make us feel even worse about a situation and/or person. Although your feelings may be completely validated in some cases, the vast majority of the time, we tend to overly analyze a situation because we feel personally victimized or attacked in some way, shape, or form. Remember, each person is experiencing his/her own life based on their own beliefs, values, and past experiences. Try and meet those people exactly where they are in their life’s journey/growth and try and see things from their perspective. They may also be feeling like the victim so It’s important to always keep this in mind.
4. Distract yourself.
You’ve probably heard the saying:
“Energy flows where attention goes.”
This quote has a lot of truth to it. If you’re constantly thinking about how angry you are, you’re wasting precious energy on something that is not constructive to your life.
Instead, Immerse yourself in something you enjoy such as reading a book, going for a run, or even watching some television. This can help you relax and calm the mind and body from the stress response you just experienced.
Do things to get your mind off of what caused your anger and just breathe. Usually, allowing enough time will help your anger pass anyway. Doing something you love can certainly speed up the process!
5. Talk to someone you trust.
Many people tend to bottle up their emotions when they get angry instead of expressing them in a healthy way. Sometimes, all it takes for us to feel better is to talk to the right person who can help us see things more objectively.
The process of venting in and of itself is extremely therapeutic so whether It’s a trusted friend, therapist, or family member, learn to open up and talk about the things that are making you angry.
I know I personally feel amazing after a venting session with one of my girlfriends. I think of it as free therapy!
Remember, life is short. If what you’re angry about right now isn’t going to be relevant in 5 years, drop it. It just isn’t worth it!!
What do YOU do to calm down? let me know below!