– There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between the mother and a son. ― Author Unknown
Everyone who has ever known me, was aware that I always wanted my first born to be a son. Growing up as an only child, I longed for siblings; a younger sister who I could boss around (true story) and an older Brother who could teach us to be strong and protect us from those who tried to harm us. When I heard that I was pregnant with a boy in 2014, I was overwhelmed with joy and unending gratitude. I wanted more than anything for him to grow up to be a strong, yet gentle, caring man.
The day we found out, my Husband and I celebrated by throwing a gender reveal party for our family. Our lives were soon about to change. The same night as I went to sleep, I remember being consumed with thoughts. I was now embarking on a mission to raise a man and I needed to make sure I did a good job instilling all of the good qualities in him that a man should have. Good morals, respect, strength, the list goes on and on. Most of all however, I wanted so badly to raise a man who would grow up to respect women. The pressure was on. Thankfully, I perform best under pressure ;-).
My Husband and I would often chat about all the ways we thought our parenting should be like. We covered topics ranging from how to discipline him to what extracurricular activities we wanted him to be enrolled in. We didn’t always agree but would try and find common ground in certain areas and bridge the gap as best we could. I think since he and I shared similar values, it was easy to see eye-to-eye on many subjects.
Over the last 16 months of his life, I have had some time to really think about all of the wonderful things I want for my son as he gets older. Although this is in no way an exhaustive list, these are the top 5 wishes that I have for him:
1 – To have a healthy fear of God.
I grew up in a Christian household and plan to raise my son the same way. I want him to know that there are consequences for his negative actions and there is always an additional pair of eyes watching him. If he plans to hurt or steal from someone, I want him to think twice about it and listen to the small voice in his head that tells him it’s wrong. I want him to do his very best to mirror his life to his understanding of who God is. If he one day chooses to stray from this path, I hope that the wisdom he’s attained by then will be sufficient enough to lead him back.
2 – To have confidence in himself.
In my opinion, confidence is one of the most important keys to success. Without it, we cannot reach our full potential at anything we do for fear of what others will think of us. I have to admit that this was something I struggled with growing up as I never felt good enough in the eyes and minds of others. I want my Son to know that he is loved and treasured in the eyes of his family but more importantly, through the eyes of the most high God. I will try and do everything in my power to make him feel this way regularly.
3 – To be self disciplined.
This one can take years for one to master and I am fully aware of that. There are many distractions in this world and I want him to try his best to focus on what’s important and finish what he starts. Whether it’s having the strength to say “no” to the peer pressure that comes from friends, or making sure that his homework is done on time, I would very much love for him to be self disciplined enough to know what needs to get done and understand to stay away from anything that will hinder his progress.
4 – To have compassion for others.
When we feel the pain of others and/or choose to help those in need, we are exhibiting compassion. There are many different scenarios in which we can be compassionate towards others. An example of this in grade school for instance is witnessing a fellow classmate or friend getting bullied and choosing to step in and mediate the situation. Another example is simply sparing some change for a homeless person who is down on their luck. Whatever the case may be, I want my Son to grow up with the understanding that life is all about the love we give to others.
5 – To be slow to anger.
I cannot stress how important this one is to me. I am not saying that I want my Son to be a pushover. Quite the contrary. Rather than reacting to negative stimuli using raw emotions alone, I’d rather have him use logical thinking and strategic action to solve all of life’s dilemmas. He is human and not a machine after all, so of course there will be times that he does get angry. However, I want him to know from a young age that anger is like a burning candle– it has the potential to destroy everything in it’s path including the wax that contains it– if we let it get out of control. Through this metaphor, I hope he understands that overall, anger isn’t an ideal state to put both the body and mind in and can have lasting repercussions from damaged relationships.
We do the best we can.
I will do everything I can to ensure he has all the tools and resources he needs to succeed in life and achieve his dreams. There will be many hiccups along the way I’m sure, but what I do know is that smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.
What are your wishes for your children?? I’d love to know!